Fresh baked “Fong Bao” from the oven – 方包出爐

Random musings & meditations straight from the oven. Hopefully some food for thought as well…

Archive for You’re havin’ a laugh – Laughing 方包

The Decision – Steve Carrell version

一切…由1967開始

無記的《由1967開始》一個月前在加國首播,很多珍貴的舊片段在螢幕上再現,勾起很多童年的回憶。但每集只得短短二十多分鐘覺得有點「唔夠喉」,唯有望梅止渴,在網上Youtube繼續集體回憶。瀏覽的過程令方包不禁會心微笑,只因能夠重温很多經典的劇集,資訊節目及廣告。現在每晚不看不但有點心不在焉,一些廣告金句也不段在腦海中浮現…….

「喂! 今晚阿Sir請食飯呀! 」

「随便坐! 」

A Town Called Panic

Last Thursday I was flipping through the newspaper when I came across this interesting little review about a quirky Belgian stop motion animation feature named “A Town Called Panic”. Being someone who enjoys the odd, obscured animation film, I decided to check it out.

“A Town Called Panic” contains a lot of elements that I liked: Monty Python-type humor along with Charlie Chaplin/Buster Keaton-style of slap stick adventure. And there is just something about talking plastic figurines – French speaking no less – that fascinates me. I can’t explain it but if I were to guess, it’s probably the kid in me.

The world of “A Town Called Panic” may look a bit simple on the surface but it’s full of neat subtleties and nuggets of humor that jump out at you when you least expected. That is probably what I enjoyed most about the film.

As someone who has a profound disdain for plot spoilers, I will only say the three “heros” of the film embarked on a wild and whacky journey as a result of a silly mistake made by two of them. I’ll leave the rest for you to discover.

“A Town Called Panic” is definitely a niche film so if you don’t care for silly, foreign-language-speaking plastic figurines roaming around in a surreal, bizarro world, it’s probably a good idea to stay away. Otherwise, I would highly recommend it to anyone looking for some good old fashion humor and silly slap stick “performed” by a hoard of cheap looking plastic figurines that will charm you in ways never imagined.

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Warning! Plot Spoilers!

Little Miss Chatterbox & Mr. Mischief

I’ve always been an admirer of the Mr. Men and Little Miss series written by Roger Hargreaves. Never in my wildest dreams did I expect to meet one, let alone two, of the characters in one day. This has truly been an eye-opening experience.

*******

Little Miss ChatterboxIt was another typical Sunday lunch hour at the Cattle café. It was packed with people who went to taste a bowl of their “famous” rice noodles in fish broth. Pie Pie Lo and I waited for about 10 minutes before being seated. Now, if you ever been to the Cattle café you’ll understand their seating arrangement is, shall we say, rather intimate. In our case, we were less than 5 inches away from two young Ching-lish speaking CBCs in their 20’s and we couldn’t help but noticed their animated conversation, especially Little Miss Chatterbox. She must have had a bad case of verbal diarrhea because words were just flying out of her mouth non-stop. At one point, after a lengthy phone conversation, Little Miss Chatterbox was able to regurgitate the entire dialogue AND offered up an opinion to her male companion in less than 5 minutes. Pie Pie Lo tried to figure out how many words were spoken per minute by Little Miss Chatterbox. It proved to be a fruitless exercise, but amusing nonetheless. Maybe I should have asked for her phone number in case I develop some sort of speech impediment down the road…….

*******

Mr. MischiefSave-on Foods was the last stop of today’s grocery shopping tour. As we waited in line to pay for our purchases, we noticed Mr. Mischief was just in front of us with his family. (Totally didn’t realize he was East Indian and judging from his height, appearance and demeanor, Mr. Mischief can infiltrate a kindergarten with ease.) Not sure if he was bored or simply being impatient, Mr. Mischief started playing with the magazine rack and grabbed a mag with a scantily clad bikini lady on the cover. Without missing a beat, Mr. Mischief, with rolling eyes and a grin that’s wider than the Grand Canyon, proudly presented the magazine to his dad and said something in Punjabi.

(My Punjabi is a bit rusty but I think this is what was said…)

“Hey Pops! Look what I found! It’s the missing issue you’re looking for….”

Looking sheepish and totally embarrassed by now, father mischief quickly stuffed the magazine back in the rack, shook his head and wagged his finger in front of Mr. Mischief, who started to giggle.

Then I started to giggle, as well as Pie Pie Lo.

The end.

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The time was around 3 in the morning

Crescent MoonIt was a warm and quiet night in Lotus Land and Fong Bao had trouble falling asleep because of the heat. So he moved to another room – with windows all wide opened – hoping to get some much needed rest. The plan, for the most part, worked.

But then, it happened.

The sound of running foot steps. A heated conversation.

“…you better (bleeping) get outta here!!!!”

That’s all it took to jolt Fong Bao out of bed. Startled and frightened, his immediate reaction was that something serious has happened. So he quickly went downstairs to check and was relieved his home was not the target. Before he went back to bed, Fong Bao took one last look through the window and saw a police cruiser u-turning just outside his home. It was taken as a sign that whatever took place has been settled.

The time was around 3 in the morning.

*******

Just when Fong Bao was about to lose interest during the latest Strata council meeting, Mr. J began to tell the story of “that night”. Apparently a few other people in our complex had a much better handle of what took place. The following is the reader’s digest version.

*******

McD Take outTwo juveniles were loitering with no intention of going home any time soon. As the night went on, they stumbled upon the Mickey Dee’s in the neighborhood. Illuminated by the bright lights of the Golden Arches, the 2 fellows got a bit peckish. A thorough examination of their jeans pockets yield not a single coin nor any legal tender. Desperate to fill their empty stomachs, our two juvenile friends came up with a rather brilliant idea.

Why not steal someone’s drive thru order?

The time was around 3 in the morning.

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Wanted: HamburglarNot that anyone knows exactly how they managed to complete the heist – our 2 “hamburglars” secured a bag of Mickey Dee’s takeout and proceeded to run towards Fong Bao’s townhouse complex. Just when they were about to eat on the run, they realized, to their horror, there was only enough food for one person. They stopped running and an argument ensued over who gets to eat what. In the meantime, the police, after being alerted by Mickey Dee’s, found the arguing hamburglars. After a quick game of hide and seek, Lotus Land’s finest made the arrest.

The time was around 3 in the morning.

It’s a true story. No joke!

Item du jour

How the Hamburglar got his stripes?

21 Socioeconomic Models Explained

I got this from a colleague of mine at The Bakery* today. One of the funnier ones I’ve read in awhile. Hope you enjoy it. (* = Lingo alert!)

SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.

You give one to your neighbour.

 

COMMUNISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and gives you some milk.

 

FASCISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and sells you some milk.

 

NAZISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and shoots you.

 

BUREAUCRATISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.

 

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.

You sell them and retire on the income.

 

SURREALISM

You have two giraffes.

The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

 

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.

Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

 

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND VENTURE CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.

The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.

You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows.

No balance sheet provided with the release.

The public then buys your bull.

 

A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

 

A JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

You then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘Cowkimon’ and market it worldwide.

 

A GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

 

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.

You decide to have lunch.  (and wine!)

 

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You count them and learn you have five cows.

You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.

You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

 

A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.

You charge the owners for storing them.

 

A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them.

You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.

You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

 

AN INDIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You worship them.

 

A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Both are mad.

 

AN IRAQI CORPORATION

Everyone think you have lots of cows.

You tell them that you have none.

No-one believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country.

You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

 

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Business seems pretty good.

You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

 

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION

You have two cows.

The one on the left looks very attractive